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This site may harm your computer

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A few days ago, I wrote about gadgets & how to break them. Well this afternoon as many will know, Google search stopped working. At the time I was messing about with my other blogs settings & needed to search for the correct spelling of a word, (please excuse any spelling mistakes on this blog) & you know the rest. "This site may harm your computer" was the only result anyone got. My wife said it should say "My husband may harm your computer". But it was nothing to do with me(well not this time). Google have stated on their blog that it was due to a "human error". They receive a list of harmful sites from stopbadware.org to ascertain which sites install malicious software on people's computers and merit a warning. These are then blocked by Google. Unfortunately some "human" at Google told the main program to block everything. The result was that many many blogs all over the world will have spelling mistakes. A spokesperson from Google has stated that "We will carefully investigate this incident and put more robust file checks in place to prevent it from happening again," in layman's terms I think this means the "human" responsible is now another so called victim of the economic downturn.

BBC weather, are we all going to freeze?

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Cold weather to sweep the UK. That's the headline on the BBC weather website. I'm sure it's going to be, & the wind will sting your ears & cheeks until they feel as if they are going to fall off. It's called a Siberian wind. & surprise surprise it coming from Denmark & Norway & Sweden. It's low pressure arriving via Spain then France and plonking it self right on top of the UK and dragging the cold air in from the east of Europe. So the Daily Mail can spend Saturday complaining about the Spanish, Sunday the French & Monday the Polish.

Willing to work?

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I take back every thing I said regarding working with my son. He was very willing all day. I won't tell what he was willing to do, but rest assured tomorrow I will take a different approach, & maybe I will still have some tress left in the garden.

Internet service sons

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OK my internet connection is now back on. My service provider said they received 73593 calls saying they had a problem connecting to the internet, and the problem seems to have come from the exchange just near me. Must have been a problem there end.

I am now sat writing this blog with a bottle of pays d'oc wine which is half empty. Or maybe half full depending how you look at it. But i'm sure by the end of this blog it will be empty, my spelling will be even worse than normal, & deal or no deal will be over. It's Sunday evening the kids have still got to finish their homework & I'm still almost sober. Tomorrow is Monday (S**T) and I have a new apprentice starting for the week (S**T), & it's my eldest son (S**T).
If tomorrow this blog is being written by my wife then you know that I have left home. Either because I've got so p****d off with my son, or the internet police have caught up with me for shutting down the internet to western France. But either way it will not be my fault, because neither works as it should.

Gadgets and how to break them

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I have finally agreed with my wife that I am addicted to gadgets. Before I used to adjust the satellite dish until I had the best signal strength, then I would scan all possible channels to find the most obscure things that we would never watch.

It's not just gadgets, I will try to adjust anything to make it work better. Usually it ends up with me having to repair it but at least you know how it works (or how it should work).
The central heating, kitchen drawers, tools, the wood burner, toilets, showers, lighting circuits, cookers anything that is in the house I've had a go at (and broken normally).
Now I have now found a new gadget to play with. This is it, you're reading it. Yes blogs and anything to do with the web. We also have a gite here in France that I have created a web site for. So a blog and a web site, seems straight forward enough. That's until I discovered Google Analytics. It enables you to follow the way your site or blog is performing on the web, and make changes to improve it. It is my new obsession, & this way the only thing I can break is the web. So if for some reason your connection goes down it might just be.............................

Stig is James Bond

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So we now know who the STIG is, or do we. Today in the press it was reported that the stig is in fact Ben Collins, race driver, pro stuntman & stunt double for Daniel Craig in the latest Bond film. But it has also been stated that the BBC uses four different drivers for Top Gear. Some say if you watch from show to show his height changes, indicating that it must be a number of  different drivers. I think that maybe it's because of the size of the car making him look bigger or smaller.
Whoever it is, I think the enigma & mystery of who it is or isn't, is better that knowing the true identity of the stig. It's the unknown setting the benchmark for all the celebs to beat that makes it interesting. But my god he is fast, in everything that he drives.
My kids are dying to find out. But you can bet your last pound they would never of heard of him.

I went to the doctors today, he said "you're a hypochondriac" I said "Oh god, not that as well".

Tuesday morning blues for Barack Obama

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Is it going to be Tuesday morning blues for Barack Obama tomorrow or just another day at the office. I wouldn't look forward to taking over the job of running a country at the moment, given the financial & terror problems.

But Tuesday is not his D day, maybe it's going to be BB day, Black Barack day.
My kids constantly bombard me about calling him the first black president of America. But as all the news channels and papers are also saying it, I suppose in this case it must be alright to use to word black. We are told over & over again that using the word black is not a good thing (mainly in the UK).
My kids see this on the TV & this is why they are now confused when all the news channels are using the word to describe a person, & not just any person, the next president of the United States of America.
The only thing I can say to them is that, people all over the world are different colours. But they are all people the same.

people do the strangest things

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Toothache? What toothache? Ah yes,the painkillers have numbed the pain and the antib's have finally kicked in....BLISS? Maybe not! So the toothache went, and the headache came. I don't know what my wife puts in the kids dinner, but they descended upon us like a tornado this morning! I am not a morning person and, clearly, neither are they. The eldest first, creating over his school bag he doesn't like, books he's forgotten to prepare, papers he's forgotten to get us to sign, homework he forgot he had and underwear he refuses to change!! And it's all my fault. But he did actually manage to have a little breakfast cereal WITH HIS SUGAR this morning!! Then the twins, (yes I said twins, one of each), were exchanging not so nice words before they even lifted their heads from their pillows and continued all the way to the bus-stop, what happened after that I guess i'll find out at the next parent/teacher meeting. One won't stop talking and the other won't stop trying to stop the other talking, thus begins sibbling war 3. Arguments and tantrums which involve well rehearsed tears and moves such as kicking, pushing, pinching and the odd projectile object! This prompts the dog, convinced it's playtime, to run in circles at 100mph barking mad. All this at 6.30 am, no wonder I've got a headache! It makes a hard days graft seem very appealing....Seriously though, they do make you laugh sometimes. Like the time when there was the tsunami a few years back and whilst watching a news report on the tradegy my daughter piped up: " you don't think we'll get a SALAMI round here , do you?" Or the time when my wife was ironing and my no. 2 son said, sliding his hand accross the ironing board in admiration: "mmmmmm....nice ironing board, mummy!" Or even the time,(winces), we had friends round for drinks....there we were soaking up the evening sun, beer and wine in hand, chatting to our french friends, or rather my wife was, I was struggling, (with my limited french at the time), and answered either "oui", "non" or "une bierre s'il vous plait" to any question they asked! When suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed no. 1 son approaching, walking like a funky chicken wearing his sisters high heeled boots and tights!! Fortunately our guests had their backs to him, so I slowly edged out of the picture, chased him indoors and ordered him to put on more appropriate clothing, preferably his own! But you know, it's not just kids. My wifes grandma, god rest her soul, was cock sure that she and her husband, god rest his soul too, had been on holiday to EUTHANSIA in their youth! And my mother-in-law who decided to play cat-and-mouse with a car full of young gentlemen on the motorway. All good fun, that is , of course, until they pulled her over for dangerous driving! Yes, you guessed it, they were french gendarmes, (police).....she later remarked that she had wondered why they were all dressed in blue!!I tell you, it's a mad, mad, mad world.

Toothaches & French dentists

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Hi i'm back. I had toothache for three days and being a man this was of course not any normal toothache this was the worst pain any human being had ever experienced. By Sunday morning the left hand side of my head was ready to explode. So first thing Monday morning I was off to the dentist to get it sorted. I was ready for the dentist to remove all the teeth on the left of my mouth if it meant the end to the pain. But unfortunately the French dentist do not believe in anesthetic so therefore the pain she induced was increased to more than just aaaaahhhhhh. And i'm sure she was smiling.

I have seen the "Little Shop Of Horrors" & she was the female version of the dentist played by Steve Martin.
It is now Tuesday night and antibiotics and whisky are taking te edge off.
I will let you know tomorrow how my hangover is.

PS Thanks to Dewlish for checking in, & I fully agree with your view on the Prince Harry situation.

They were right, it was cold

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OK OK so they got it right on the meteo (weather) about how cold it would be this morning. -6 degrees here in the Vendee. My day started at 7am when I went out to the boiler room to check on the boiler (no surprises there).

I noticed that the heating water pressure was a bit low, so decided to top it up. As I open the valve I knew something was amiss as nothing happened. The water pipes had frozen up. So what do you when this happens?, you get out your plumbers blow torch out, select the widest nozzle and gently heat the pipe up. This worked fine for all of 3 seconds. At the 4th second the pipe decided it would burst. And burst it did, directly at me. Unfortunately it was -6 outside and the mains water stop tap is down by the gate. I didn't realise ice could form that quickly on your face, hair & clothes. So I've had the day off work to fix the pipes (& defrost my face). Big mistake, as by lunch the pipes were fixed and I decided it would be a good idea to take the boiler apart whilst it's switched off and vacuum out the soot. I had just turned the vacuum cleaner off when I thought I could smell burning. Must be the chimney as the fire in the house was alight. I had just finished putting the boiler back together, when I realised the burning was coming from inside the boiler room. As it turns out the soot hadn't cooled down as much as I thought it had & the burning smell was coming from the vacuum cleaner full of hot soot. But on the bright side, running around with a burning vacuum cleaner did warm me up a bit....

cold,cold,cold & tomorrow cold

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OK today it's cold, & tomorrow it's going to be even colder (the papers say -5) but what can you do.

Today I thought about not going into work, but my French work mates would have taken the p**s all day. I could of only think of two words "kettle" & "black". The kids didn't go to school today as the buses were not running. Because it was too dangerous to drive in the ice. I left just after eight this morning and all the roads were clear of ice (& buses).  But I will say one thing about the local councils, they had all their men out with shovels, sand & salt. They covered everything that wasn't moving with the stuff. By lunch time the roads were very slippery due to the fact that you kept slipping on the bloody sand & salt. If tomorrow is as cold as they say it's going to be I'll take a shovel with me to dig myself out of the sand & salt just in case. If this blog does not get updated tomorrow then you will know that I am still digging....

no the car didn't start

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I was going to say that my car didn't start but in the end it did, without the need to hit it with a branch. But at four o'clock this afternoon my wife was going to get the kids from school and guess what the car would not start. She called me at work and told me. I said "if you go around the back of the house, you will see some old branches" this didn't go down too well. I suggested the AA. This was also a bad move. I think if she could of reach down the phone she would of pulled my balls out via my mouth. As it turned out the kids were already on their way home on the bus because of the snow. I know in the UK a little bit of snow and everything stops, but in France every school and government dept. decide it's time to go home & hit the Bordeaux the moment the first flake hits the ground. This isn't very good for the parents, who then need to rearrange the afternoon to be at home for the kids. But it does then give the French another reason to hate the government and discuss it over breakfast........& lunch.....& dinner the next day. By the way the TV viewing tonight is easy as the kids are tired out, so am I, and I don't give a s**t as I will be outside fixing my wife's car in the snow with a big branch.

Back to work tomorrow

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Well here we are again. Back to work tomorrow, after almost two weeks off.

Constant trips to the fridge and the shelf with all the christmas chocolates on.
Logging in daily on the pc to the radiotimes, tvguide, onthebox to make sure the you have the days viewing worked to run like clockwork.
And yet for some strange reason your wife and kids are not intrested in the same things, how can this be.
You have spent years together growing up & growing old, you think you know everything there is to know about them, yet when it comes to television programes none of you can agree on one program you all want to watch.
I never thought I would hear myself say thank god for playstations. Why is it better to play Grand Theft Auto when you could see an old table or vase the same as the one in the attic on Bargain Hunt I will never know. But at least their quite (ish).
I was watching the BBC news this morning, and a man from the AA was saying that with tomorrow morning being the first day back at work for many and the first day the car has been started all christmas, that many people will be having problems. He said "just call us thats what we're here for." Yeah right, I think most AA men will be looking forward to tomorrow about as much as I am. Unfortunately the AA doesn't visit this part of France. But on the up side, if the car won't start I am far enough away from the neighbours for them not to hear me swearing and slamming the car doors. If it's really cold tomorrow I might even try the Basil Fawlty approach and attack it with a branch.

Freezing cold

Today I think has been the coldest day of the winter. I have shivered all day.

My son has spent his christmas & birthday money on a new xbox.
It has taken me the last three hours to set it up & it's still not done.

The weekend starts tomorrow then it's back to work on Monday, hooray. I don't think so.

Happy New Year

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Happy new year to anyone that reads this. I'm not going to write to much as my head still hurts after getting the words to Auld Lang Syne wrong. Also happy new year to all those across the pond who watched the ball drop in Times Square.

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