My life in France

Toothache? What toothache? Ah yes,the painkillers have numbed the pain and the antib's have finally kicked in....BLISS? Maybe not! So the toothache went, and the headache came. I don't know what my wife puts in the kids dinner, but they descended upon us like a tornado this morning! I am not a morning person and, clearly, neither are they. The eldest first, creating over his school bag he doesn't like, books he's forgotten to prepare, papers he's forgotten to get us to sign, homework he forgot he had and underwear he refuses to change!! And it's all my fault. But he did actually manage to have a little breakfast cereal WITH HIS SUGAR this morning!! Then the twins, (yes I said twins, one of each), were exchanging not so nice words before they even lifted their heads from their pillows and continued all the way to the bus-stop, what happened after that I guess i'll find out at the next parent/teacher meeting. One won't stop talking and the other won't stop trying to stop the other talking, thus begins sibbling war 3. Arguments and tantrums which involve well rehearsed tears and moves such as kicking, pushing, pinching and the odd projectile object! This prompts the dog, convinced it's playtime, to run in circles at 100mph barking mad. All this at 6.30 am, no wonder I've got a headache! It makes a hard days graft seem very appealing....Seriously though, they do make you laugh sometimes. Like the time when there was the tsunami a few years back and whilst watching a news report on the tradegy my daughter piped up: " you don't think we'll get a SALAMI round here , do you?" Or the time when my wife was ironing and my no. 2 son said, sliding his hand accross the ironing board in admiration: "mmmmmm....nice ironing board, mummy!" Or even the time,(winces), we had friends round for drinks....there we were soaking up the evening sun, beer and wine in hand, chatting to our french friends, or rather my wife was, I was struggling, (with my limited french at the time), and answered either "oui", "non" or "une bierre s'il vous plait" to any question they asked! When suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed no. 1 son approaching, walking like a funky chicken wearing his sisters high heeled boots and tights!! Fortunately our guests had their backs to him, so I slowly edged out of the picture, chased him indoors and ordered him to put on more appropriate clothing, preferably his own! But you know, it's not just kids. My wifes grandma, god rest her soul, was cock sure that she and her husband, god rest his soul too, had been on holiday to EUTHANSIA in their youth! And my mother-in-law who decided to play cat-and-mouse with a car full of young gentlemen on the motorway. All good fun, that is , of course, until they pulled her over for dangerous driving! Yes, you guessed it, they were french gendarmes, (police).....she later remarked that she had wondered why they were all dressed in blue!!I tell you, it's a mad, mad, mad world.