My life in France

Yesterday I was talking about having kids & the things they say.

Today I thought it might be a good idea to tell you about life pre kids. On the left you can see a picture of the "QE2". Many many years ago I worked on board this ship as a petty officer. It was on board this ship that I met my wife.

She was pure white with a black & red bottom (I'm talking about the ship now) . When I arrived at Southampton docks the first day & saw her for the first time, she took my breath away (I'm talking about my wife now). She was so tall against the cranes (still my wife). The ship was also very high, I had never been this close to a ship so big before & it was a little bit scary. We set sail that day, it was the first Atlantic crossing of the year after the world cruise. 5 days after leaving Southampton I would be in New York. In fact it was more like after 5 days heaving that I reached New York. I always thought it was in films that people went green with sea sickness, but I was wrong. I was so bad that I had to visit the ship doctor, who gave me an injection (that had to be injected into my bum cheek) since then I have never been sea sick again. Although I did get a lot of the crew asking if the doctor "had given me a prick in the bum". The answer to this question changed depending on who had asked it. Anyway back to the topic of this post "meeting my wife" & "the QE2". The story is long, funny & sun drenched. In future posts I will explain all the tales, floods, passengers, rubber & jubilee clips, even the one about how it helped that she had a smooth bottom (the ship by the way).

I've been transferring some old videos from cassette onto DVD today. Mainly videos of the kids when they were young. It's amazing what you forget you recorded all those years ago. Watching them back, you realise just how young they once were. & if the camera happens to swing around onto you, then you think "my god where did that person go".

It's Sunday, the kids have got their friends here for the afternoon. I think they've invited everyone they know. My eldest is online with his xbox & ipod, his friend is online with his psp. My youngest son & his friends are online in the office upstairs & my daughter is online in her bedroom to all of her friends. I am now online on the laptop. If for any reason the broadband to the west of France melts down then it's because it's Sunday & it's the school holidays, not anything to do with me. I'm just glad that we haven't got a download limit for broadband or it would cost thousands.

Today we have been ice skating, the first time. The picture you see on the left is the only one that we took that had all the family in, & all the rest were blurred due to the high speed of the kids on the ice. After half an hour the twins were skating backwards & doing spins, the eldest was happy to skate around with me & keep out of trouble (good idea). After an hour the twins were doing double axels & triple toe loops, & after two hours they were asked to leave. "There is a time & place for that sort of thing" the man explained. "It's a public ice rink during the school holidays, you shouldn't be surprised if theres a little blood on the ice" the twins said in protest. It was cold & I don't think we will be allowed back, now as I type this I ache in places that I didn't know I had, but it was good fun. The next time we are going to try roller skating as this doesn't require any ice & therefore must be warmer, unless of course the rink is outside. Lets hope the people that run it are more forgiving.

Toothache? What toothache? Ah yes,the painkillers have numbed the pain and the antib's have finally kicked in....BLISS? Maybe not! So the toothache went, and the headache came. I don't know what my wife puts in the kids dinner, but they descended upon us like a tornado this morning! I am not a morning person and, clearly, neither are they. The eldest first, creating over his school bag he doesn't like, books he's forgotten to prepare, papers he's forgotten to get us to sign, homework he forgot he had and underwear he refuses to change!! And it's all my fault. But he did actually manage to have a little breakfast cereal WITH HIS SUGAR this morning!! Then the twins, (yes I said twins, one of each), were exchanging not so nice words before they even lifted their heads from their pillows and continued all the way to the bus-stop, what happened after that I guess i'll find out at the next parent/teacher meeting. One won't stop talking and the other won't stop trying to stop the other talking, thus begins sibbling war 3. Arguments and tantrums which involve well rehearsed tears and moves such as kicking, pushing, pinching and the odd projectile object! This prompts the dog, convinced it's playtime, to run in circles at 100mph barking mad. All this at 6.30 am, no wonder I've got a headache! It makes a hard days graft seem very appealing....Seriously though, they do make you laugh sometimes. Like the time when there was the tsunami a few years back and whilst watching a news report on the tradegy my daughter piped up: " you don't think we'll get a SALAMI round here , do you?" Or the time when my wife was ironing and my no. 2 son said, sliding his hand accross the ironing board in admiration: "mmmmmm....nice ironing board, mummy!" Or even the time,(winces), we had friends round for drinks....there we were soaking up the evening sun, beer and wine in hand, chatting to our french friends, or rather my wife was, I was struggling, (with my limited french at the time), and answered either "oui", "non" or "une bierre s'il vous plait" to any question they asked! When suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed no. 1 son approaching, walking like a funky chicken wearing his sisters high heeled boots and tights!! Fortunately our guests had their backs to him, so I slowly edged out of the picture, chased him indoors and ordered him to put on more appropriate clothing, preferably his own! But you know, it's not just kids. My wifes grandma, god rest her soul, was cock sure that she and her husband, god rest his soul too, had been on holiday to EUTHANSIA in their youth! And my mother-in-law who decided to play cat-and-mouse with a car full of young gentlemen on the motorway. All good fun, that is , of course, until they pulled her over for dangerous driving! Yes, you guessed it, they were french gendarmes, (police).....she later remarked that she had wondered why they were all dressed in blue!!I tell you, it's a mad, mad, mad world.